GENGHIS KHAN IS COMING

Or The genuine Chinese torture

20151201_161448

After the funeral at the 1st cemetery of Athens, of Mr. Nitsos who had been a publisher of the magazine “THEATRO”. After the funeral we went to a Chinese restaurant next Royal Olympic hotel, for a soup. My friend went downstairs to wash his hands. In meanwhile I have ordered for a soup, 20 E and some spicy octopus 15 E, we talk for two persons. I ask the waitress if they have Chinese bear, her answer is “NO”.  So, bring whatever. The cupboard of a man, Chinese cashier or a bouncer starts calling me “PUTANA” and “Ade gamisu” (hoer. fuck you). My friend got out of the toilet and was very surprised to see that a tattooed bouncer is swearing at me. We got out and I ve smashed the window.  Photo included. The Βouncer all the time screaming at me “PUTANA RUMANA”, though I have told him I am from Israel. My friend was in between us while waiting for the police. The fucker wanted to beat me. In any case when the Bouncer heard at the police station what all that costs (one night at the police station  and 100 E to sew me) . When the price of window is 20 E. He calmed down. I offended the fucker “Fucking Chinese” after “putana”.  And what the fuck is wrong to be Romanian? We are all fine people whatever color.

TX CY

20151201_175155

Advertisements

SWADDLING

1346544_27881-650x650

A woman forty something with a child at the supermarket. The child,  a boy eight years old places very neatly packaged products on the counter. He does it very neatly and fast. Mother and the boy are waiting in the cueue. Boy fixes an ice cream on the counter. Mother gets out of the blue very annoyed hissing: “Can’t you stay still? Get out of here!” And pushes her child forward. Boy was really waiting for that ice cream, his reaction was to withdraw and to remain silent, though he looked confused and unhappy, but he looked like questioning,  – what did I do wrong? To me it seemed normal that a boy got impatiend he was looking forward for that ice cream. And he was just fixing the buys. The situation brought to my mind that back in time it was normal to swaddle children, they were squized for a year in those swaddling-clothes. When it the Western countries it was over, in USSR it was still fashionable to swaddle, – it was thought good for the children. The swaddling-clothes are not anymore in fashion, but the way parents in Lithuania communicate with their children remains the same,- to shut up their children and keep them quiet. Some form of swaddling.

ПРАЗДНИК КЕРЗАЧЕЙ

hui_voine_x

После драки кулаками не машут и про сегодня надо писать вчера. Ну облажалась, ну пишу про вчерашний день. Но надо писательскую мышцу тренировать кажный день, как Ги де Мопассан писал, писал и стал писателем. Правда, скорее ето из-за того что он подхватил сифилис, и поэтому каждый день для него стал дорог, и он ускорил свою карьеру, а так наверное ещё лет двадцать грёб бы на лодке и трахал бы проституток. и остался бы в истории известен, как протеже Флобера. А так вот Пышку написал.

Сегодня 10-го мая и я всё ж таки решилась писать о Дне Победы, в народе также известном под кодовой датой – 9-ое мая. Хотя это слишком просто, так можно писать каждый день, ведь каждый день – это либо праздник, либо поминки, смотря какому календарю следовать. Каждый день – красный день календаря. Различие только в верованиях.

Так вот о девятом мае. Будучи в Литве и в гостях у старого Вильнюского панка, попивая кофе, этот день прошёл для меня незамеченным. И это понятно – ведь я нахожусь в Литве, и такие даты как День Победы, Красный День Календаря, 8-е Марта, 23-е февраля старательно перечеркнуты и занесенны в чёрный список. С первых дней независимости. В чём я согласна, – большинство из этих дат были праздником Силы и военной показухи. Акромя 8-го Марта. Все эти циферки означали одно, – танки на улицах, солдатики вышагивающие бодро и много красного цвета. Для нас конечно же в детстве это означало одно – выходной от школы и это очень радовало. Подрастая, как то не напрягали эти танки и униформы, и керзачи.

В 2014-м году, в контексте российских акций-выкидышей  в Грузии, на Украине, с информационной войной (очень модно ныне обсудить эту тему, – я иду в ногу со временем) солдатики раздражают и не нравятся. Мне не нравятся и радражают, я по наивности своей думаю, что день победы должен праздноваться как день Мира, мол, – ХУЙ ВОЙНЕ. Но для дня Мира есть другая циферка. Милитарный стиль с претензией на супер-державу пугает, – русских всё так же много атомных запасов, и они спокойненько могут бомбануть всю планету. Так в угаре, за Родину.

Двадцать милионнов в Вторую мировою, – это так мелочи. От Сталинских репрессий по-более людей было уничтоженно. Дык нет, – монгие русские люди очень любят кирзачи, мундир, приказ, и главнокомандующего. Чтоб порядок был. И как на фотографии, – и красные шоры на глаза, парадную музыку и рокот танковых моторов и вперёд за Родину. Путина царём называют, я бы его скорее в данной роли опредилила бы как Главнокомандующего. Как жаль что диктаторские мундиры уже не в моде, Путину бы пошло, а то слишком личико у него простое, без помпастики, хотя именно это и пугает. Такие незметные соседи, всегда при таких делах оказываются, что и в  “Bourne Identity, The” не увидишь.

Я очень рада что живу не под керзачём, а всё ж хоть слегка по-инвалидски, но всё ж таки демократичной Европе, парадам – пусть любители керзачей радуются, мне больше ботинки для прогулок в горах нравятся. Парад – это для тех кто предпочитает, чтобы за них подумали.

Красная площадь, керзачи, танки, мавзолей, – как по-этому ностальгировать можно? Одни герои войны молодцы, – но их уже не осталось. А памянуть их можно было бы и как нибудь по-другому, более мирно, без военной показухи.

Russia Victory Day

GET TRAINED YOUR “CULTURAL BODY” IN VILNIUS

 

DSC03032

 Vladas Urbanavičius. Standartiniai rezervuarai, CAC

In on day one can visit a great deal in Vilnius. Just scrolling the streets of downtown is like visiting a museum, cute little streets, cobblestone, red tiles, – everything as commeil faut in an European North city. The entrance to museums in Lithuania is free on Wednsdays. I’ ve visited CAC (Contemorary Art Center, or SMC in Lituanian). It was rather empty, I find it ueber minimalistic for a arts center. In one hall an exhibition that includes a depiction of five addicted prostitutes juxtoposed to the mushrooms (as forbidden fruit) under the title SWIM. A framed fly on the wall, some trunks, Fluxus cabinet. That’s all. Everything is fne with the current exhbitions. You get the message, just is not too much Nirvana? Too much of nothingeness in CAC. About SWIM and the rest you can read on CAC page, I am not going to critisieze that.

Then we went to Varnas theater play “Backhantės“, Euripides. I can’t better describe than A. Paukstyte* on the situation of Lithuanian theater. She says, how many more times one can interpret Shakespear, Chechov and antique plays. It was exactly what has crossed my mind while watching this show. Theater for theater goers only, not for a broader public. Although what is a broader public? It is you and me. It was a theater play when you get out and you have forgotten it completly. A little bit of tradtional (in Lithuania) self searching, as my friend described before getting in, – I hope that it is not going to be as usual, half an hour pause, actor stands on the stage, in silence and breathing, staring at one point. Well, somethings have changed, – in these pauses, the actors are silent but there is an action, – they collect waste. I think about five times Bacchants were collecting waste and placing it into black plastic bags. There was as well some moments with a lot of rustling plastic on stage. I rather dislike that sound, – perhaps it was exactly the thought of the director to annoy with that sound. Plastic bags and waste, as well as video projection of the waste, sign of  “Akropolis” (the shopping center in Vilnius) being destroyed, – all that represent decadance of civilisaiton that is in play of Euripides, all okay. All that has been smeared with some insert of dancing and opera singing. In todays’s theater to experiment with a form of an antic play is a bit of a bore to me.

And then I have read an interview of some so-called theater professional in free press that compares going to sport in order to train your body with a visit of a theater or another cultural event in order to train your “cultural body”. It is an opinion of somebody living in a capital, probably an offspring of a respected artist that gets entrance to any cultural event, not to tell organising those events. For an average Lithuanian away from any city,with an income 800+++ Litas visit to a show once a month is probably a science fiction. The good thing is that that day theater was almost full on Wednesday with a price of 40 LT for this show. I am glad that theater is still loved in Lithuania. As I am happy about that in fever of destroying anything that looks as a “concrete Soviet prison”, CAC  still exists.

 

* Interview about festival “Tylos”, from “Laisvalaikis”, 24-04-2014

 

LOST, Iris Ponkina, CAC

LOST, Iris Ponkina, CAC

TO TRIM OR NOT TO TRIM PUNANI


images

 

They say, mind a reading woman. Probably, meaning a reading woman is evil and dangerous. Remember the witch hunt? My friends the terrifying truth is, – I am reading! So, I have read recently some feminist information on when and why women started to trim vagina, something around to 90s. It happened that I just wrote an ode to Catherine’s Tramell’s (Sharon Stone) carefully trimmed vagina. And what it meant for me back then that famous leg cross, – a revelation to a virgin teenager, was an apogee of rough sophisticated eroticism, more adult than all “adult” movies I have seen, then.

Feminists say that trimming pussy is no good, ’cause it makes to look vulnerable and submissive and that is wrong. Woman’s role in the society is already vulnerable and submissive. I thought it just comfortable especially in the summer. And I thought vice versa to trim your pussy is kind of being dominant that meant to me, – my dear hunk first you lick it then you stick it. I remember a short term a boyfriend of me, I have asked him to go “down there” and he asked me rhetorically, – what is it an European Union? He is East European and meant now that his country in EU, – the customs changed. There were no licking in the Soviets.

Is it me only that live in the XXI century?!

So, trimmed and trimmed, LADIES! Trimmed and bikini. In the summer it is not possible not to trim “down there”, it is to warm. On the other hand feminists are right somehow. I have read (again gush I do read) in a glossy magazine that is aiming to build a perfect body in order “look better naked” for your (or not your) man. In that “naked” magazine, after every excise, all that reps, abs and sweat you are told to do , – after this program man will want to see you naked 40% more often, so be prepared (trimming included). Also that 90 % of the interviewed women are trimmed “down there” (that was an UK magazine). How to translate those per cents? That 90% are ready steady go?

Bushy is tickling and if you like titillation – let it grow. Still can I have bikini, trimmed punani and be a feminist? A perfect dilemma at midnight.

Bon nuit à tous!

Cordialement,

Toxi

 

p.s. I am in my homeland, folks! Inhaling aroma of ma mum’s tomato sprouts. Smells like Nina Ricci’s “Les Belles de Ricci” or like tomato’s sprouts!

 

PATRIOT’S SONG ON FIRST OF MAY

10178039_745925182125026_3800730810538116251_n

 

Writer Leo Tolstoy called feeling of patriotism bad and harmful that causes many disasters and it is leading to war.

In the CCCP, on the contrary, patriotism was taught with special diligence, starting from school. The Russian state became a legal successor of the Soviet course in this direction. And Crimean crisis undoubtedly actualized agenda with full throttle. Song and Dance Ensemble of the Russian Army Alexandrov , former role model of once Bolshoi Soviet style , again assumes the role of a loudspeaker of the Russian patriotism. It is this ensemble performed the song on ” polite people.” Song promises that ” we’ll be okay ,” and polite people,  that are wearing “polite” helmets and even their steel machines are “polite”, “will save  the honor and glory of the Motherland.”  (Russian Forbes writes, more or less).

Probably we can continue that Russian tanks are polite and they will politely occupy Ukraine, in order to save. I smell some kind of complex of the Russians, they hysterically are trying to find, crystallize  and present the Russian Idea well packed and digestible to the masses.  It is already 23 years in all post-Soviet republics goes on a hard job on redefining identity, it is not an easy task in our drastically changing world of globalization and neo liberilism, when a rich Socialist state is gone for good. Farewell to neo liberalism, it is what it is and it can not to reach the new heights. And now there is some kind of politics of Putin “for the masses”, some of the jerks are completely excited that Russian “rotten” intelligentsia is surprised and disappointed of this turn. Tsar is turning back on them, the poor intellectuals they are the minority and of no interest. Tsar is thinking of the “simple” people. So, for the “simple” people with a background of a strong military breeding it is important to have a strong “roof” to cover them up. Well, Russian do not differ much  from the other Big nations. Americans buy pink riffles to their daughters. Pro-tsarists are excited and mock Russian intelligentsia. That is not too intelligent to drive to exile (it is called the Fifth wave, starting from 1917) all that bright humans, as well to suppress arts. Bolsheviks have done something smart back then, – they gave sometime to flourish to the artists and intellectuals after the October revolution. That how the concept the style of Soviets was defined and polished then they strangled them all. Now they just continue what once was started, almost 100 years ago. In any case Russian always liked the idea of a strong “fist” that keeps them in terror. They like a fist-job. Just a bloody history repeating.

It is best described in a novel “Generation P” of Pelevin. A gangster Vovchik Maloi (Small)  in Moscow of the 90s (special breed of the gangsters) ordered to a creator Tatarsky concept of  Russian national idea. All that because Vovchik Maloi was upset to go abroad and not be able to proud of being Russian (Courchevel?). Creating such a concept did not work Tatarsky even with a help of the spirit of Che Guevara. The next morning Tatarsky learned that Vova Small was killed during clashes with the Chechens. 

All that spiced up with a fanatical faith. I grew up in Soviets and I wonder from where all these fanatics of the age 40+ are from?! Where they were hidden? My grandmother was religious, all her children baptized (illegally), I was baptized illegally. But it did not stop her to believe in Stalin until her deathbed. She told me she was crying when Stalin died. She was not fanatical, but it was some kind of strange mish mash. I can compare it to Haiti believers, with voodoo rituals and chickens paw.

As they say, you don’t choose for motherland and religion. Is it that way still? I doubt. Wizards of images making are re-inventing Russian idea. This year they have orginized a parade for 1st of May. That is after 23 years. Why? Because it is still appeals to Russians, and it is a “simple” folk’s red letter’s day to get out with the red (oeps, tricolor) flag on the Red square and to be proud of being Russian. Sick and tired of all that national pride.

Slaves+Orthodox+Kokoshnik+Patriotic Song+Tsar+ Polite Fist

I am confused. I am politely threatened by polite gun machine hold by polite robocops.

 

203402215

 

 

Dansu dansu dansu. 2014


the-artist

 

Well, I have stolen the title from Haruki Murakami’s sixth novel. Lovely book it suits me to use its title since it is a lot on loss and abandonment, Murakami is like that.

I am burning to write about dancing and love of dancing. Yes, it is an International Day of Dance, and yes I did not manage to get to some seminars/ballet/show. The cause of me not attending all that was trivial, I did not have a bicycle and I am broke. It was rather disappointing but I hope to catch up with the seminar on Friday (I guess). In any case I have suppressed my love to this form of art for many years and suddenly all came up couple of days ago when I took absent-mindlessly a flyer somewhere in stupid shopping center. It was about Dance Limerick events and there was it, -the date of 29 April, Dancing Day. And all of a sudden I got so excited , I have realized that just by watching I can also enjoy art. I am kinda more of a doer. I like to watch and then to do it myself, whatever art it is. Poor me.

And now I have a flash back and I remember me being a little tiny ballerina and how I had  my first show. I was very disappointed due to Soviet kind of fest we had to wear brown uniforms with white aprons, so frustrating. We wanted to wear those pretty little pink voile ballerinas tutu. It was very important to wear it. It was more important than the choreography and how we executing the dance. We were a bunch of little furious dancers. That I remember well, the dance was a disaster. Through years I have learned that a dancer makes the shoes and not shoes make a dancer. And only in fairy tales the Red shoes make you dance. It is hard-hard work. First comes the sweat and then the beauty (Balanchine).  You become a tough girl, it needs a lot of ego swallowing, ’cause you find out slowly that prima ballerina could be just one, and sometimes it is not necessary best one. Or it is not going to be you! Just she was in the right time at the right place and got the part. A lot of factors. You learn not to give up and just continue to love your art. And to know how to dance is always cool! Dance makes music visible, – so true! Sorry for quoting Balanchine just agree 100 % with the guy. And he knew some things.

Here I am having a celebration on my own. Still I am glad that my warm feelings for dancing came upon me. I’ll go to salsa festival next week! Another 5 min of Dansu Day. Love you all crazy dancers. Make dance not war!

JD2014_Screenshot_BLURRED_LINES_XBOXONE_1

 

СТОЛ И ЛЕНИН

Image

Полное название в оригинале, – “Письменный стол и Ленин”. Но я решила сократить название, дабы возбудить любопыство читателя, выехать на известном лейбле, под названием “Ленин”. И также пригладить свои литературные амбиции, или поддержать живой свою претензию на возможнотсь сотворить оригинальный текст, чтобы ни у кого не возникло ассоциаций что я претендую на оригнальность Л. Кэрролла и на его знаменитую загадку: “Что общего у ворона и письменного стола?” загаданной Шляпой Алисе. Тем паче я не собираюсь исследовать сходство Ленина и Письменного стола, хотя Его, – Ленина не Стола, – образ у меня тесно связан со столом и именно письменном столом. Только в процессе ворошения памяти слово “письменный” исчезает. Так как на ум мне пришёл рассказ из далекого октябрятски-пионерского детства, – до комсомолов, увы, наше поколение не дотянуло. И рассказ этот был стандартный из учебников по-литературе, пестревшими рассказами о хорошем Мальчике Володе, позднее Молодом Революционере и ещё позднее о зрелом Интеллектуале и Вожде народов. Этот рассказ о начинающем вожде, которого отвратительные угнетатели (с Царём во главе) засадили в очердной в тюрьму. И как ценно он потратил своё время будучи за решёткой, как он много читал и учился, совершенствовал языки и знания по философии, экономике. И самое главное, – что он писал, писал и писал. Уже тогда, в своём далёком отрочестве я осознала, что в тюрьме письменного стола нет, и что в жизни не всегда будут удобные письменные столы под рукой, и значит нужно умение приспособится к дискомфорту. К труде и обороне. Все эти детали меня не так поразили и задержались, как то что Ленин занимался по ночам и что во время занятий он каждый час отрывался, чтобы позаниматься физзарядкой (физическими упражнениями), всё для того чтобы быть в форме, как думала я, по-детски наивно, в том далёко-мутном прошлом. Настоящая же причина, оказлась другая, и она мне кажется наиболее верной, – на самом-то деле Ленину было холодно, и так он разминал свои застывшие члены и согревался. В царских тюрьмах не топили (почти), как не топили в советских тюрьмах (почти), как не топят и в федеративно-российских тюрьмах (почти). И ещё один фактик, – в царских тюрмах у заключённых было больше времени, судя по колличеству написанным Лениным. В российских нынешных тюрьмах у заключённых нет ни времени, ни сил, ни желания, бороться нынче не модно и не за что. Так или иначе этот рассказ о Ленине меня вдохновил на физзарядку во время учений, а так как читала я много и взахлёб, это помогло мне не превратится в бесхребетного слизняка.

Всё ж таки меня мучает Кэрроловская загадка, -“Что общего у ворона и письменного стола?”, и именно что она без ответа. Я ведь душа наивная всегда думала, что это общее – это перья. Перо у вороны, перо пишущее на столе. Вот такой вот казус каждодневный.

 

 

WASTE YOUR VALENTINE’S DAY

hitler-valentine

or, how I feed my consumerist whoredom.

Actually I am celebrating my one year in wordpress.com blogging and bragging and moaning and complaining and swearing and being mean and dirty and THANK YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN FOR READING ME! I have written my second text on 13-02-2014 and have posted it on 14-02-2015.

Are you allergic to Valentine ’s Day? Then you can read the following down here text. Otherwise you will hate me for spoiling it.  Fortunately enough I am called Toxicana Cyber and I have rather thick skin. Or I imagine that I have thick skin.

You might remember your first Valentine card, – as a child you have an itchy thought  to which girl/boy to address a Valentine card,  – especially when it was a multiple choice, – then you have had a super itch. How would she/he/them react? Would you receive a card from your “obscur objet du désir”? You start to waste your time:  instead of just approaching straight forward your object of love, you scratch your heart.  As a result you learned how to wait for bloody special date to approach your maybe-to-become-your-future sweet heart forever or just express yourself. Spartan approach to love would be, – Μολών λαβέ! Come and get it!

When you are a child it is fun, easy going, in a form of game fest.  But when you are a teenager, the gates of hell are wide open. All the insecurities are hitting the top on this very day. Is s/he or is s/he not? In love. With you. Will s/he… send you this wonderful card with cute little hearts and angels on it. All your life concentrates on this piece of printed or self-made (how important for it to be self-made!!!) piece of  paper.  Luckily enough I rather skipped a lot of years of this itch, ‘cause I am from not existing country – CCCP  and we started to have this custom very last years of gymnasium. I don’t have a proper attachment to this date. Still my mind would cross some flashes, like: “We should do something special today with my mate, maybe, to go to Planetarium. We never went to Planetarium together.” Planetarium is here for the whole year and I am sure it has no special program for St. Valentine ’s day. Why to go? Even the program wants me to write it Valentine’s “Day”,  “D” upper case. So, it is The Day. Birthday is a bigger day for me, and no upper case, why?  It should be Birth Day.

And that is just ONE DAY per year. So what with the rest 364 days? As the pop culture states:  “FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY, – I LOVE YOU EVERYDAY!”, – mainly that announce males’ t-shirts. You would say, – a male is less romantic. I would say what could be more romantic to love every day? The female is traditionally more pragmatic, she has an urge to know for sure if she is loved. A paper with a stamp, pleaaase. Not to mention she craves for attention in form of (preferably expensive) gifts, – because SHE IS WORTH IT! Believe me, – in my early twenties I wanted the gifts and nothing else. Very consumerist  I am, he?  I am not, – I am an alien from another planet.

I quite accustomed how CORPORATION starts pushing slooowly on us all the Valentine’s “feeling”. The very special day for the very special lovers. It’s starts after the Christmas, with the first birds, – the movie trailers with a major theme St. Valentine in the cinema, then the special offers to travel for the special day (Secret escapes, sss), then at last the chocolate comes, all those hues of red, and hearts, hearts, angels, angels. It evaluates completely the meaning of love, the very core of it. At last you are just being bombed by whatever product : special edition, of’ ‘cause, or “special” price, according to your wallet. Your love is a treasure my little precious birdies, buy a treasure from us!  And music, music “My funny Valentine”, and movies, movies on all TV’s, and social networks full of the fluffiness.

Gifts’ n cards’ fever breaks me nerves. I can’t compose myself even when I see so-called progressive, avant-garde or “funny”, humorous little shits for a gift.

This year 14th of February is even more special, – (oh, my gosh 1402 2014!). Probably it is even more remarkable to get married this day, as the first Christians did, that why St. Valentine was executed on this day, for he was illegally marrying them. Listen to that, – executed (probably), the couples illegally married. What to be happy about on this date? That love is illegal? That some guy passed away on this day, perhaps went through a torture? Though it is not reliable the whole story about St. Valentine. He might even have been only a Martyr, not a Saint. In any case we should love and to be loved today. The rest of the year, – forget love!

The question is : why should I feed consumerist whoredom?  I have wasted enough of my energy, time on the whole procedure and ridiculously enough – I wasted a lot of love yes, love, you read it right ‘cause I am obliged to love or to show extensive love on this day that could last for couple of months in hibernation mode. My decision is to waste my Valentine’s day and to be critical about it.

Strangely enough my limb system whispers me, – I love you guys more than ever on this “the Day”! That reflects I am no better than the other mammals. And I overate chocolate, almost on the verge of nervous breakdown!

I have attached two samples of pop-art that I fished out today.

1622236_758165687537778_512444512_n