Or The genuine Chinese torture


After the funeral at the 1st cemetery of Athens, of Mr. Nitsos who had been a publisher of the magazine “THEATRO”. After the funeral we went to a Chinese restaurant next Royal Olympic hotel, for a soup. My friend went downstairs to wash his hands. In meanwhile I have ordered for a soup, 20 E and some spicy octopus 15 E, we talk for two persons. I ask the waitress if they have Chinese bear, her answer is “NO”.  So, bring whatever. The cupboard of a man, Chinese cashier or a bouncer starts calling me “PUTANA” and “Ade gamisu” (hoer. fuck you). My friend got out of the toilet and was very surprised to see that a tattooed bouncer is swearing at me. We got out and I ve smashed the window.  Photo included. The Βouncer all the time screaming at me “PUTANA RUMANA”, though I have told him I am from Israel. My friend was in between us while waiting for the police. The fucker wanted to beat me. In any case when the Bouncer heard at the police station what all that costs (one night at the police station  and 100 E to sew me) . When the price of window is 20 E. He calmed down. I offended the fucker “Fucking Chinese” after “putana”.  And what the fuck is wrong to be Romanian? We are all fine people whatever color.





Greek lover loving is being stabbed by a knife into my arterial vein. If he so supposed to love you, not just for partouza. I mean not just for sex. I mean SEX. Love SEX  a lot. Sounds funny “just for sex:” at the end of the day nobody loves me.

Back off Greek lovers.

p.s. Terrible



Happy face after a rape attempt

Happy face after a rape attempt

Let me to present first to Ano Liosia. Ano Liosia is a North West suburb of Athens, a basin surrounded by the mountains, Parnitha is close by. All the gypsy barons live there, wealthy gypsies with money from selling heroin in neighbor area Menedi, in big quantities. Gypsy barons have a deal with the police, so they feel very relaxed in “their” village. One can hear day-night shootings of the guns. Gypsies drive in their jeeps with very loud music on. And gypsies, gypsies, gypsies everywhere. Gypsies and the “Golden Dawn”, the neo-nazis that are now in the Greek Parliament.

Freezing late evening January 6 2015, Ano Liosia, Athens. From Attiki metro station I took the bus B12, on the back of the bus there were 10 male youths, age 15-22. Around 10 p.m. I arrived to Ano Liosia, I missed my bus stop because I don’t know very well the area, I was just visiting my boyfriend (then) now he is an ex-boyfriend. I got out,  two of the gypsies got out at the same bus stop. I asked them where is the Fylis str. that is the main one. They told me they show the way. One was 18 years old Vassilis, the other 20 years old Yorgos, later on at the police station I was told that they probably lied about the age. In any case we were walking together gypsies were singing and it was fun. To my sense of where I am boys were showing the right way. Gypsies were wearing fancy sports’ cloths. They were not miserable.

On the way to the main road it was and abandoned shop, suddenly gypsy-boyz started to talk in Roma language. I didn’t pay attention. Then they dragged me into that empty shop, closing my mouth, into a small room that smelled piss and excrement. I was shocked and didn’t resist at first. Then they threw me down and tried to take my cloths. It was minus temperature! I was properly dressed. I wear jeans with my father’s army belt, and another pants over my jeans. A winter skiing jacket and a windbreaker under. I was screaming and kicking with my legs (I was down at the floor). I said, “I have period, – it was true by-the-way”, – they would not stop. I told them, – “I have AIDS”, – it would stop them either!   But what saved me, – I always have a pen in my pocket. I almost got into the eye of the younger gypsy. He said, – “Shit, I am bleeding, putana almost took out my eye!”. And they run away.

Then followed four days in police. Drawing up a report, then identification ( I was in a room policemen were bringing little rascals), then identification through photographs, then police clinic (to see my black eye). I have had not a lot of bruises, – winter cloths saved me.

My psychology was really below zero. The interesting thing, – reaction of the people. Women, – “Did you go to the police? Good that you almost took his eye out!”. Women would be really sad about that event. Men, – “It could be worse!”. And would make jokes about that.

What could be worst than have an attempt of a rape?! I was down there completely helpless wintertime, nobody is out on the street, snowing. Two jerks over me, I was a slave for 7 min aprox. They could do anything to me, stab me, rape me, cut into pieces. I could be on the market in form of human organs! It was so horrifying. Dark, stinky place, two young strong men. Sweet Jesus, το γλίτωσα! Of cause I am lucky, of cause it could be worse! Just don’t jerkily make fun of it. It is not funny. I had a trauma for over one month. My world got upside down. I live in another world, where people at least try to be good to one another. Educated, sophisticated world, avant garde. And now I am smeared with dirt ’cause of two stupid smacks.

Who are they to take over MY BODY that belongs TO ME! The only thing in the entire World I own that belong to me?! Who are theirs parents?!

The terror is still here with me. Terrible I am loosing my patience with humanity. I’ll throw a bomb on the gypsies rapers. A creature can not walk quietly if there is a hole between the legs?

I wasted 5 days of my life at the police stations and one month to recover psychologically. Waste, waste, waste!


p.s. My nose still hurts.


Happy face

Happy face


I have not written a word lately, – you would think I have nothing to say. Well, – I was very intensively out of my mind. While all Christmas-New Year and the rest of happy-family events were rather quite, – I stayed indoors. But happy 2015 started for me très violent. 

About my adventures in January I will tell another time. Now it is about today.

My day started very Friday 13th. On the way to the bus station it was, – did I locked the door, did I not? I said to myself, – let it grow. While waiting a bus I understood I forgot my cell home, – well “HOME”, I am homeless, penniless, jobless, hopeless and the rest of “less”. I had to run back “home” that is 7 min. of fast very walk. The door was LOCKED and I was LOCKED OUT. Luckily the back was open, certainly I am out of my mind and very absent-minded. Then I was waiting for a bus 30 min. when usually it is max 15.

Very now I am at Acropolis museum thinking, – “what next”. But everything looks peace and quite. And I am calm.

Perhaps it is the vitamins I am in-taking.

Furthermore while I was surfing in Acropolis museum “reading room” I had an argument with an young student. Alright, she asked me for a pencil, I told that I have only in colors. She was “OK” with that. Then she asked for WiFi password, I told that it is “open”. My little student was very neat, dressed “whatever” but certainly a very-very good student. Later on came a senior English couple sat down scrolled through a book and had a discussion in a hushed voices. Everybody speaks in hushed voices in museum. My little student asked to speak softly, that sounded like, – shut up, I am studying here. I told her that it is not exactly “a reading hall”(αναγνωστήριο in Greek, γνώση – knowledge) in a sense of the university or a library. And that she should go to the  another space to read. We spoke Greek and the Brits looked feeling uneasy. They left. Silence felt upon us. But my lil student made me a surprise. She came up with a lil text about the use of a reading room. That people of the museum can make use of the reading room. I have corrected her, – not people of the museum but visitors of the museum that come from all around the World. I was sitting there for 3 hours and in these 3 hours passed by plenty of people (it is Friday, babe!). Most of them were hissing and whispering and bragging in hushed voices. If one starts to make remarks to all of them you, – you are doomed. Plenty of tourists on Friday and they all drop by and stay for 5-10 min.

I left museum and was deep into thoughts about how idealistic and inexperienced the young woman was. She was very polite and well spoken (law school), protected life from books. Museum inspires her, – she told me. To see Caryatides make her wet, – I read her my way. Because she also a dancer and a choreographer, – what kind?!, – what kind of dances. She was so dry and SO way too careful. Like a dancer that is afraid of pain! Imagine that. A dancer that is afraid to fall. That was my lil student. These kind of thoughts were flowing through my sick mind. And the rights of the visitors in the reading room of the museum that is in my opinion differ from any academic reading hall. It is commercial. There are only twenty sits, only eight have a table. It is actually a passage from one side to another of the second floor.

Thinking of all that I took a wrong turn in Plaka and I met a friend. We were not in contact for 3-4 years. I was so pleased to see her! It had a very positive impact on my well-being. I was upgraded to PREMIUM. Because my friend is in the same field – cinema. Das lovely.

And I have bought a wallet after 3 years!

In any case my conclusion of the Friday 13, – even if take a wrong turn it might lead to the right thing!

Toxicana Cyber


August 4, 2013 at 7:18pm
Yeah! And then one has a top insomnia until 10 am staying awake thinking and writing and thinking and writing… Finally falls asleep with a big difficulty. Wakes up after 2,5 hours from a phone call from somebody who really loves him and cares for him. He feels already a slight change in the mood after so many months. He feels like to have a short chat with a neighbor who is kind to him. Then he gets stuck for a while on the internet.

And here it comes. The summer BLACK OUT and it changes everything. No electricity is good sometimes. Suddenly one comes to a realization that actually the qualities that he had had, did not disappear. They are still there. And everything is possible! Alright he admits, – it was an unbelievable torture. Though he considers it was needed for him, it was his catharsis and now his soul is crystal clean until the next catharsis. Still until next one he has plenty of time to do plenty of wonderful things. Life is out there go and get it! How one knows the value of the day if he would not experience the night?

Still the black clothes are going to stay in the wardrobe as a reminder. Spirits up! Amen.



Сегодня пришли два мясника в магазин, принесли античные картины на продажу. Всё как положенно,- кепка, усы, у одного голос постаревшего виннипуха. Балкан – экспресс. Непонятно было кого или чего они ждут. Около двух мясники начали по-медвежьи невнятно ворчать, чем-то недовольные. Ещё через час, кто-то додумался спросить чего они ждут. Оказалось бедалаги с 11.30 уже 4 часа дожидаются, что бы кто-нибудь отобрал картины. Всё было уже давно готово при помощи каталога.
Далее всё происходило в греческом стиле, восточный базар.

– Ну, что вы господа пачему берёте только 15 кг,- берите 25 кг картин!

– Да что вы, дарагой мой гаспадин! что мы будем с 25 кг искусства делать? причём вот ети 10 кг – подделка!
Таких терпеливо нетерпеливых мясников с уклоном на культуру я ещё не встречала и довольно-таки информированных в сфере искусства.




It is better to be a prostitute on the corner of Solonos and Mavromichali than me at this moment. Such a indefinable material my brain had become that I think I need a lobotomy. To be in Athens does not help to redefine myself at all. After wonderful vacations, – with a strained knee almost a stroke (was it a stroke?) and a virus, – I should not drink water from a well they say. With a lot of tension and crazy stories, – still that were my best vacations ever. Something’s got crystallized, – MY LIFE IS IN RUINS. Furthermore – to live in a very closed society that of an island is really unbearable. One has no time to pick up the phone and tell the news in person, – the news already reached the person who would be most interested in these news.

Everything breaks my nerves on a Greek island. As well the so-called Health Center has almost nothing for a rather big island of Kea. The nurse was scolding me for waking up her early. She repeatedly told me, – CENTER IS OPEN FROM 9.00 a.m. to 14.00 p.m., with virgin-forever voice like a screechy chain-saw. I had fever, I felt ill from 5.00 a.m. I had waited untill 7.00 that was a torture for me. And what do I get? Some morals from a woman that is got stuck on her way to puberty. She really overdid with how many times she told me the opening hours. My disease was not at all in her focus. Then she gave me nothing for poisoned organism. And that was it. Just wondering, – everything in Kea looks rather wealthy and cash and they can not afford a proper health center. On way or the other, – my poor body that serves me so well it is IN RUINS too. Certainly it is better to be a prostitute on a corner than me for the moment, – at least she knows what is her playground. I do not know where mine is. All my dreams are wasted or hopefully being recycled.