Leigh Bowery_hat

Raining raining raining… Raining for ours, for days, for a month. Lately the news are so unclear and uninspiring that it is better not to follow them at all. Though it is difficult everybody just criticizing again and making fun of the new government that was elected by the people. As usual, as thousands years ago. If you so smart why don’t you get into politics to make a difference?!
All that really block me, bad weather, bad politics, bad humor about politics. I have living-life block. Je suis une flâneuse. Just with a modern meaning of the word, – a drifter. Not the glamorous meaning of the past, the man of leisure (the even didn’t have back then in the XIX a woman of leisure), the idler, the urban explorer, the connoisseur of the street. I have nothing to do, I have nothing to loose, I have nowhere to hurry to. You would say, I am free. I feel the least free than ever. Chained by the thoughts that would not let me free, the feelings that feel like a chain of an Austrian soldier chained to his cannon in the WWI. So, he could not escape and would go deaf eventually. So am I – deaf lately, I do not hear people around me and if I hear them I get angry or stressed or unhappy, or neurotic.  A lot of free time leads to a deeper self-analyzing and that brings pain and sorrow. The less I communicate, the less I want. This way I exclude myself from the society. Depressing? As hell! I am in a self-constructed hell of loneliness and despair of facade-less burger-shops, museums, anywhere where is an access WiFi and it is warm and no need to communicate with anybody. Faceless, tasteless, timeless spaces.

My tongue travels and tastes the word with a relish LO -NE – LI (front teeth) – NE (upper gum) – SS (loneliness hisses at me).

Welcome to my ΟΙΚΟΥΜΕΝΗ


did I really wrote it?





I understand “positive” is better than “negative” (although an expression says, “best” is the enemy of the “good”). Just it kills me when I share my deepest feelings to someone, a closest person and instead of some thinking on that and analyzing, I hear “ola kala, ola kala” or “it’s OK, it’s OK” in a repetitive parrot-like manner with no faintest idea of what I have been telling. It would be better to hear a fart in response, – that would be more truthful, – “everything will be fine”. Phrases-parasites that express nothing!